Since this blog is about me building a more fulfilling life for myself I’ll be talking a lot about my roadblocks.
I remember when I was in primary school one of the worst things the teacher would call a student was a “ruminant” because in Haiti it’s so so so impolite to chew gum. To this day I still feel kind of awkward chewing in front of anyone. She would stop mid-sentence, point her stick — which served to indicate things on the board or beat their impression into students’ hands — at the ruminant in question and ask “Ms. X, are you cow?” Ha. It’s funny now but it was embarrassing at the time. Now, ruminating means something different but equally unpleasant to me.
One of those roadblocks is in my head. Some days, it seems like there are about 30 decisions to make before I even get out of bed. About important things to be taken care of during the day, things left over from yesterday, what do eat for breakfast, what to wear, etc etc. ad nauseam. What looks like me trying to prepare for the day is actually well-disguised rumination.
Picture a goat chewing on an unyielding wad of grass. That is basically what we do when we are worrying or ruminating mentally. I go over and over the same thing in my mind, without insight ever materializing.
I have literally spent hours thinking about the most trivial things in life. The highlight of those sad hours has to be the one I spent looking for a sock! It was winter time. No one would see my feet inside my boots but I was keen on this particular sock. Ridiculous. Then, I had a turnaround and decided to put an end to it. So, I’m going to share a few reminders that help me stave off excessive rumination:
set clear goals – rumination may be your mind’s way of saying “I am overwhelmed.” Be selective in your to-do list. Does everything really need to be done?
stop imaginary conversations – Instead, reflect, decide and prepare. if something is bothering you, put some time aside to consider your position carefully and make a decision about how you can respond to the other person.
accept that there are things you cannot change - This one is hard for me but once I accepted this fact, things looked brighter (paradoxically) because the list of things I cannot affect is far smaller than the list of things I control/can affect.
do your maths – Sometimes you just can’t stop thinking about it because it made you mad, then sad, then just etc, etc. For example, work-related conversations tended to follow me around when I was no longer in that person’s presence. Then, I found out the power of math. Doing math is generally acknowledged to be an engaging task – you have to really devote your mind to it. Usually you can’t think of anything else and that’s the point. Others usesudoku in the same way.
what others think of you is none of your business – There is a tendency to worry what others think about us but:
People think about themselves, not you. They are too busy worrying about their won lives, and if they are thinking about you, they are wondering what you are thinking about them. Think about it? How much time do you spend thinking about yourself? – The Success Principles, Jack Canfield
organize, automate – Often it’s the simple things that trip us up during the day. But thank God they are simple and you can automate them. Make an automatic routine of everything that does not require spontaneity but needs to be done. For example, I automate my “get dress” routine. I look at the weather forecast and choose 5 outfits for every week. If I feel like wearing something else, I do. But I don’t spend an hour wondering what to wear because I’ve got 5 back-ups. Another one that I love: 5 meals for the week. I cook some back-up meals, usually things that survive well after a few days. Then, if I’m running low on time or just don’t feel like it, I mix in a salad and grab a back-up tuper.
Ok. Ready? Go! Get out of your head and do something wonderful today!
