On Being Comfortable with Oneself
It’s funny getting photographed. One of the reasons why I decided to take daily outfit shots for this blog project was that I felt uncomfortable in from of cameras. I always cringed at having my picture taken which is slightly ironic because as a child taking pictures was one of our “luxuries” meaning that we spent some of the scant disposal cash we had to pay someone to photograph us in various outfits in the park. I remember those days being really fun and ridiculous – with my mother and I changing behind large statues in the Champ de Mars in Port-au-Prince. It was one of the few times when she did not seem worried. I don’t know why she insisted on doing these these photo trips because I always thought they must be costly. We could hardly afford a pittance for stuff we needed sometimes.
But she did this too with food. One day, when possible, she would cook a big lunch meal for just the two of us. I loved salad as a kid because people rarely eat salads in Haiti (what’s the point when you’re trying to fill a belly). She would let me hack half a head of lettuce and make a huge salad and then there’d be some sort of meat and fried plantains…To this day, I’m the most gleeful dinner guest ever! I can’t think of anything that I wouldn’t try.
Now that I’m older and I know my mother better, I realize she was trying to teach me to appreciate the good life. Whatever we could get of it, she was determined that we would enjoy it. And then when it was time to hustle, we’d hustle.
These photographs are less narcissistic than I anticipated and more therapeutic. Besides reminding me of my childhood, they help me rethink my perception of myself. I can tell what I was thinking, what kind of self-image I was entertaining when I took the pictures which helps me cue in on negative self-talk.
Taking these photographs is freeing because I’m pushing against those limiting self-perceptions by doing something slightly out of my comfort zone.
It’s interesting how physical activity changes our perceptions.
People who are afraid to dance often think that instruction is the solution. Follow someone else’s steps, they think, and I’ll be alright. They try to copy but it doesn’t work. They get nervous and make an ass of themselves. The trick is to dance. Not try. Not follow. Dance. Dance first, the mind will follow. Eventually you’ll be dancing as though no one were watching.
Happy Friday!
